I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
