Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
