I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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