i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
