when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
