so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
