Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
