Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
