I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
