I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
