We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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