dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
