i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
