Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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