did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
