bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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