how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
