My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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