sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
