I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
