Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
