we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I forget how to act sober
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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