I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
