I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
