It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
