God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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