Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
