I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
