i just had sex bonerless
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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