You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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