Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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