so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
