He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugly people sure do ruin things
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
