they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
