im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
