You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
