you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
