Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
