TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
