This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
