This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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