So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
