a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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