Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
