I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
