OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
