I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
