I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
