not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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