Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
