1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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