So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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