very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can text with my tongue
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
