my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
