I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
do nipples grow back?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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