I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
they're like a gay fantastic four
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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