**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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