I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
