Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
50% drunk capacity currently
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
