Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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