Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
