just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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