I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize