im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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