Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm just crazy horny about you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
