Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
