I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
