She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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