I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
