omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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